


Write Me Out

by ThugSeme (ShutUpMakoto)



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Bottom Eren Yeager, Dark fic, Eren is not quite an adult, Eren uses dry humor and such as a coping method, Father/Son Incest, M/M, Male Hange Zoë, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Pining, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Promise, Psychological Trauma, Rape/Non-con Elements, Sad with a Happy Ending, Seme Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Sorry for the spoilers but they are important tags, Suicidal Thoughts, Top Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Uke Eren Yeager, author!levi, read the tags, whichever, writer!levi
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-02
Updated: 2018-09-12
Packaged: 2019-03-25 21:22:48
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 11,500
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13843299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ShutUpMakoto/pseuds/ThugSeme
Summary: Eren Yeager spends his life going through the motions while struggling against his abusive father. When his foul-mouthed neighbour shoves his way into Eren’s life, he has trouble keeping up the facąde. He's no longer satisified with a painful existence. He wants out, one way or another.





	1. Paradis

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if this is written awkwardly! I'm not used to first person POV! This idea had been sitting around in my head for the past week so I decided to try it out. So here is the pilot chapter. If it does well, I'll continue!

It was raining. The soft pitter patter of the raindrops against the glass gave me something to focus on while he panted and sweated above me, shoving my face into the floor. My tears were silent, only small whines of humiliation escaping. I'd become used to this long ago. Oh—is that a crack in the window? Fuck. He's going to blame me for that. The apartment complex will charge extra for the inconvenience of repairs.

And he's started to groan. Only about two more thrusts until—yup. There it is. At least he uses a condom every time. Saves me from one hell of a mess.

“Eren, make sure you complete your online assignments. I received an email that you were behind.” He adjusts his pants, buckling his belt before walking into the kitchen and answering his phone. I want to scream. To punch him in the face and tell him to mind his own fucking business. Why should I have to be told what to do by my rapist? Why do I have to act like nothing's wrong?

“Yes, Grisha.” I stood and pulled my own pants up, ignoring the leftover lubricant. I just wanted to go to my room.

“You need to start calling me ‘Dad.’ It's very disrespectful to call your parent by name.” I wanted to laugh. That was some seriously funny shit. He rapes me and wants me to call him “Dad.”

I chose to ignore him and walked away to my bedroom. I fought the urge to slam the door. The one time I did that didn't go over so well. I wished I didn't have to worry about every little action. I wished my mom were still alive.

It was hot so I opened my window, near my desk, before I laid down on my bed and pulled out the partially burned photo of my mom. I remembered the night I told Grisha that I hated him; that I wanted to live with my mom again. I guess he'd been through my room because he knew exactly where I kept the picture and he lit it on fire with a match. I was able to salvage it and most of her face is still visible.

The night of her death really hit me. I never realized how fragile a human life was. Not until she fell down the stairs and broke her neck. And that was the end of any happiness I had. After I'd called 911 and they took her away in a body bag, they took me to a CPS facility until my next of kin could retrieve me. That ended up being my biological father, whom I'd never met. The only father I knew was my stepfather Eld. He was quite nice but they divorced after a few years due to his military responsibilities. He was always gone. I thought about asking to stay with him but I didn't want to bother him and he probably wouldn't have enough time to take care of me. That was about seven years ago, when I was ten years old.

It was only three years ago when Grisha had first forced himself on me. The years before that were awkward and we hardly spoke. But that night he'd came home from the hospital somewhat late. His hours were always changing since he's a doctor. He'd had stressful shifts before but something was different that time. I'd come out of the shower and he just stared at me, not saying anything. And when I asked what was wrong, he pushed me back into the bathroom and bent me over the counter. With my face inches from the mirror, he lifted it up for me to see. And he said: _You look just like her_. That was when I knew he was crazy. And I was in so many different types of pain. He'd gone in dry and I was bleeding. He'd betrayed me and my heart was aching.

When I went into my room and flipped through my contacts on my cell, I knew I was alone. There was no one to help me. I didn't trust the police. The legal system placed me with the fucker in the first place.

“Eren! Open this door! You know locked doors are not allowed!” I winced at his tone. It meant he was going to punish me, usually with his fists. Occasionally he'd use a weapon if he felt like spicing things up.

Slowly and reluctantly, I made my way to the door. The moment I unlocked it, he barged in and slammed me down onto the bed.

“That new resident doctor fucked up again. He doesn't know how to do a goddamn thing.” I couldn't pay attention to his rant as he began unbuckling his pants again. I was already brave today. I already put up with it. I can't do it again.

“Take off your pants.” He says it irritatedly, as if he's wondering why I haven't already done so. I shake my head slightly before realizing what I've done.

“Did you just tell me _no?_ ” I try to apologize but it's too late. He's grabbing me by my hair and dragging me to my desk.

“Grisha! Please! I can't!” I'm sobbing but he just tells me to shut up before slamming in relentlessly. I can't hold back my cries and despaired moans. I want to cover my mouth but he's got my arms behind my back, using them for support. It hurts. And I can't do anything. I feel so powerless. So weak. So dirty. I look out the window and the rain has stopped. I can hear the sound of sirens moving through the city and for once, I wish they were coming for me.

  


* * *

 

 

I woke up on the floor the next morning, pants around my ankles. I couldn't bare to move after he was done, so I just huddled into a ball and went to sleep. Through the window, the sounds of birds chirping pours in. It's calming, in a way. The chirping has always symbolized a new day. And new days bring change. All I want is for something to change.

After showering and dressing myself in a white t-shirt with sweatpants, I went to the kitchen to make breakfast. But of course, there's no food. Grisha isn't here so I have to use the little bit of cash he leaves me for emergencies. I stuff it in my pocket before walking out and locking the door. Just as I'm leaving, our (new?) neighbor is leaning against the railing smoking a cigarette. He's somewhat small but no less intimidating in his black sweater and jeans. He looks over at me, but I look away quickly and begin walking down the steps.

“Oi.” A deep voice halts my movements. I slowly turn to see the short man staring directly at me.

“Y-Yes?” I try to speak normally but end up sounding meek and squeaky. He exhales a cloud of smoke before putting the cigarette out in his ashtray.

“Can you tell your lover to shut the fuck up? His groans are too fucking loud.” My mouth hangs open. I have no idea what to say. I can feel my face flush and I want to scream at him that he's not my lover. But it's none of his business. We don't know each other. So why do I feel like I owe him an explanation? I reply with a quick “sorry” and run off, not daring to look back at him.

Did that really just happen?

  


* * *

 

 

I shopped in a daze and walked home the same way. That short-shit had the audacity to call that mega-shit my lover. I mean...I guess he couldn't really know. But it still pissed me off. I want to just make breakfast and go to sleep. Maybe if I'm lucky, I won't wake up.

“Oi. Brat.” _Fuck._ He's standing by my door, using that same holier-than-thou tone. Why does he have to look so attractive doing it?

“I already apologized for the noise.” I say it quickly, trying to hurry and unlock the door.

“That's what I wanted to talk to you about. I shouldn't have been so blunt with you. It's the first time we've had an issue.” _The first time? How long has he been living here?_

“So I wanted to say sor—fuck. I'm sor—damn it.” He seems to be having trouble so I say my goodbyes and open the door, only for him to slam it shut.

“I'M FUCKING SORRY!” His apology is quite loud and he doesn't sound apologetic in the slightest. His ears are tinged with a blush and he looks like he's ready to bite me. Like an angry Chihuahua. But I won't say that. Because he looks like he kills people for a living. Or for fun. Either way.

“Um...apology...accepted?” Is that what he wanted to hear? I wasn't sure. But it seems to have calmed him down as he backs away.

“How old are you, brat?” _What?_

“Seventeen.” _EREN. WHY ARE YOU ANSWERING THE ANGRY MIDGET?_

“You really are just a brat. Why are you living with your lover?” This guy really has no filter. Doesn't know when he's overstepping his bounds. Or he doesn't care.

“Extenuating circumstances.” I kept my answer short and held back a vehement denial against Grisha and I being in a consensual relationship.

“Hmmm. Interesting.” As I open the door to make my escape, that little ball of fury walks in. _Yes. That was an invitation for you to walk into my apartment._ I sighed and closed the door behind me. I walked into the kitchen and set out the groceries, only for him to shove me out of the way.

“I'll make you breakfast.” He's already pulling out a pan and cooking utensils before I can respond.

“Um...okay.” I can't find it in me to say no or kick him out. So I just sit down at the table and watch him work.

“So why aren't you in school?” He's already cracking eggs and mixing them.

“I go online.” His hips get a little bit of a sway as he mixes and it definitely doesn't make me appreciate the way his jeans hug his form.

“Why's that?” _Again with the prodding._

“Extenuating circumstances.” I say it again, hoping he'd understand that these are not comfortable topics for me.

“And what is it about your circumstances that is so extenuating?” By this point, I could tell he was making an omelette, which sounded fucking delicious.

“Dead mom. Shitty dad.” I swore I heard him chuckle.

“Yeah? Me too.” He walks over, plate in hand, and sets it in front of me. I started devouring it before he even sat down.

“Thish ish amashing!” It truly was the best omelette I'd ever had. It reminded me of how my mom used to make them. The corners of his lips turned up ever so slightly and he sat back with his arms crossed, just watching me. I immediately notice just how feverous his gaze is. I involuntarily gulp down my food, unable to turn away.

“So...what do you do?” He leaned forward and pushed my fringe away from my eyes. It was a simple gesture but it made me unable to sit still, for whatever reason.

“I write.” He brings his hand down but doesn't move away.

“You write what?” The man smiled, something I was sure wasn't a common occurrence.

“Pornographic novels.” He even _winks_ at me and all I can do is stutter my way through a response.

“ _P-Porn_?” My eyes are wide as can be and I'm blushing like an idiot.

“Don't have a conniption, brat. I was kidding. I write war novels and the like.” He seems amused, though he's not smiling.

“Oh…” The conversation ends as my phone starts to ring. I look at the caller ID and groan. It's too early in the morning to deal with this asshat. But I answer anyways.

“What.” The man raises a brow at my attitude and even I realize how childish I sounded.

_[Are you home?]_

“Yes.”

 _[Is anybody with you?]_ I jump a little at the question and look over at my neighbour.

“No.” Probably best to not mention him.

 _[Are you sure?]_ My heart starts to pound. Why is he asking? How the hell would he know.

“Of course I'm sure! Why are you even asking me this?!” I realize I'm being louder than needed and that I'll probably be punished for it later, but I can't stop. It feels good to yell at him.

 _[Landlady said she saw someone suspicious going into the apartment.]_ Sounds like a lie. But I can't call him out on it.

“I left earlier to get groceries. She probably just saw me getting back.” He hums through the phone. It's a familiar sound that sends shivers down my spine. And it means he knows that I'm lying.

 _[Alright then. I'll be home later.]_ He hangs up and I set my phone on the table.

“Trouble in _paradis_?” I would've rolled my eyes at the snarky comment but the French had me drooling.

“You speak French?” I looked at him with strong doubt.

“Oui.” That's...hot. This guy would definitely be my type if I could date. Or socialize. Or tolerate being touched in any way without wanting to throw up. You can thank Grisha for that.

The silver-eyed man grabs my phone and starts typing something into it. I'm a bit too confused to try and stop whatever it is he's doing so I just wait. After he's done, he gets up and leaves without another word.

 _What in the hell has happened today?_ I feel my phone vibrate and open the message.

**Unknown:**

**Save my number, brat.**

**-Levi**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I commend you for making it through my terrible writing. Hopefully I'll get better at first person POV. Did you guys like it? If you did, let me know and I'll continue this fic. If I don't get much feedback then I'll probably delete it. We'll see.
> 
> Leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed! (You don't need an account.)


	2. Insomniaque

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Still not sure if I'll be completing this fic but I decided to post the second chapter as a 'part 2' of the pilot? I guess.
> 
> Not sure if some of these scenes qualify as "Graphic Depictions of Violence" but I'm going to add it as a warning anyways, to be safe.

Unfolding the flyer I picked up on my walk, I sit down at my desk and sigh. It's a shitty studio apartment in a not-so-nice area, but it's dirt cheap, no deposit. I never had a job to start saving money, Grisha wouldn't let me. So once I turn eighteen, I'll be getting a job and leaving when I get my first paycheck. I don't care if the utilities aren't set up. I'm leaving.

“Eren! What the hell is this stain on the couch!?” _Probably your fucking semen._

“I dunno.” I raised my voice so he could hear but he wasn't satisfied with my answer and burst through my door. I just barely managed to cover the flyer before he yanked me by the back of my neck into the living room. He pushed me down and held my face right above this supposed stain, which I don't see. At all.

“What the fuck did you do!” I don't know what to say to him because there is NO stain. When I don't respond, he leans down to my ear. I can smell it at that point. The rum staining his breath. He's so much worse when he's drunk.

“Not going to fess up? Fine.” He didn't even wait until he'd finished speaking to kick me in my left side. After the first time, it's just non-stop kicks in the same spot. I feel like puking; I'm struggling to breathe. By the time I'm laying on the floor, cradling my head protectively, he's moved on to my back. I pray that he doesn't kick hard enough to do any damage to my spine but...he’s really drunk. I can deal with the pain but when I'm scared, the tears don't stop flowing.

I wake up in that same position on the floor but Grisha isn't there. I must've passed out because of the pain. As I try to get up, I crumble back down. It's a crippling pain that ripples through me with each movement. I fight it anyways. I just need to get out of the apartment. Ah...shit. I just spit up blood. Is that normal?

I defy every aching inch of my body and force myself to the front door. My shoes are in my bedroom but I don't think I'll have enough willpower to leave my room if I get them. So I go barefoot.

The first thing I notice is that the cool, night air feels good on my skin. I stand there and just breathe it in, as if it's purifying something inside me.

The second thing that I notice? Levi is sitting outside smoking and he's got company. Some tall blonde guy with killer eyebrows. They're both staring at me but I disregard them and go on my merry way.

Well, not for long. I hear light footsteps and turn to see that midget coming after me, apparently.

“What's up?” I try to sound casual but I think my struggle for oxygen left my throat a bit scratchy.

“Where the hell are you going without shoes?” He takes a drag from his cigarette and just stares at me. I swear that stare can see right through everything.

“On a walk.” Another puff of smoke distorts my view of the moon, making it look mystical, in a way.

“You're going on a walk at a quarter till one in the morning?” I can feel his friend staring at us but I shrug them both off.

“Yes, _Dad._ ” I feel a little guilty after calling him that. He's nothing like Grisha. Levi doesn't seem to care for the name either.

“You shitty brat.” With that, he walks away. Back to his friend who looks _extremely_ entertained. As I make my way down the sidewalk, I hear their conversation fade.

I let the sounds of the world soothe me. I let myself fall into the leaves rustling, the crickets chirping, and that faint, ever-present sound of sirens.

 

* * *

 

 

The sun has started rising by the time I get back. I haven't slept and I'm pretty sure there's a piece of glass stuck in my foot. I don't see Grisha’s car, thankfully. He must've been called into work. But of course, as if summoned, Levi walks out with that Eyebrow guy. I refuse to look in their direction but I can feel the questioning look he's giving me.

“Fuck! Your foot is bleeding bad!” He's got a hold of me at this point and I look down to see the impressive trail of blood leading up the sidewalk. I don't argue as he pulls me into his apartment. I feel it'd be pointless.

“Erwin, set the kid on the loveseat.” I tense as his arms wrap around me but he doesn't notice or doesn't care. I'm sat down when Levi comes back in carrying a first-aid kit. He lifts my foot up and makes a disgusted noise.

“I think all the filth in the world has collected on your feet.” Bit of an exaggeration but I'm in no mood to argue.

“Change of plans. Go shower first.”

“I don't have any clothes here…” He scoffs as he sets the kit aside.

“Your apartment is five feet away. Give me your keys and I'll grab a change of clothes.” I see Eyebrows watching me, obviously intrigued by our interaction. Levi clears his throat and draws my attention to his extended hand. I reach into my pocket. Not that one. I reach into my other pocket. _Fuck._

“I don't have my keys.” He narrows his eyes at me and I start to feel like a bother.

“You don't need to do anything for me, I'll just wait till Grisha gets home.” I start to get up, only to be pushed back down.

“You can just borrow some of my clothes. Go take a shower, Eren.” I'm a little startled by my name before remembering our text exchange. But it's still weird. I haven't heard anyone but Grisha call my name in years.

“Some of...your...clothes?” I look him up and down, the reason for my apprehension clear. Eyebrows breaks out in a fit of laughter, making me nearly shit myself.

“He's got a point, Levi.” The raven looks back at me.

“And what point is that, exactly?” I can see my death in his eyes. I wonder if I should say it or let the way the clothes fit say it for me. But it's too late. My mouth ran off without my brain.

“You're kind of short, y’know? And I'm not quite that small…” He definitely wants to kill me now. I can see him planning it out already.

“Just go get cleaned off.” He pulls me off the bed and nudges me towards the bathroom. I limp the rest of the way while trying not to get blood on the carpet.

Once I make it in there, I strip off my clothes and examine my body. I look like shit. I've never seen a spine this bruised and swollen. My side looks like someone splattered purple paint on me. I sigh and step into the shower, not caring about the temperature. It feels good to wash off, for the most part. It still hurts to move around.

After I've scrubbed myself raw, I turn the shower off. Moments later, there's a knock at the door and Levi enters with caution.

“Here's a towel.” He hands it to me and I quickly wrap it around my waist and step out. He's also got a change of clothes, which I take and set on the toilet seat. Then I realize he's still standing there and when I look up, his expression says it all. My face flushes instantly as I try to explain the bruises.

“I-I’m kind of a delinquent, y’know? So I just...get into fights...occasionally…” It all sounds like a lie. I can't make myself sound convincing for whatever fucking reason.

“Is that why you went out last night? To fight someone?” He furrowed his brows and crossed his arms.

“Well, no...I...I’m an insomniac.” I applaud myself for at least being able to not stutter.

“An insomniac delinquent, huh.” He walks out of the bathroom, unimpressed with my explanation. But what am I supposed to say?

I get dressed in the fitted, designer tee and joggers. Both of which, don't fit. As expected. The tee shows some midriff while the joggers are well above my ankles. But when I walk out, neither of them comment on it. They're too focused on the bit of bruising peeking out of the bottom of the tee.

“Thanks for the clothes…” I hug my body tight, regretting ever leaving my apartment.

“Don't thank me. Just sit down and lift up your foot.” I obey and he sets my still bleeding foot into his lap. He cleans it with some kind of wipe and then checks for any debri stuck inside.

“So, Eren, is it?” Eyebrows breaks the silence and I nod to confirm.

“I'm Erwin. I was in the Scout Regiment with _that one_.” He jabs a finger at the scowling man bandaging my foot.

“Scout Regiment?” I question, never having heard of it.

“It's a special branch of the military.” I acknowledge his statement and look back at Levi, who's putting the supplies up. Now that I think about it, I could very much see him in a military setting. I'd wanted to join the military so bad when I was younger. Eld had introduced me to some of his friends and they all talked about training and day-to-day responsibilities.

“Is that what your books are about?” Erwin looks taken aback by my statement as Levi nods.

“You told him about your books? Wow.” Now I'm seriously confused.

“Was he not supposed to…?” I'm hoping I didn't get him in trouble for whatever reason.

“He just doesn't usually tell anyone about his writing career. He even writes under a pen name.” So then...why'd he tell me?

“Enough about shit that doesn't matter. Want a beer?” He's obviously not asking me so I twiddle my thumbs while he brings two cans of beer out.

“Levi tells me you live with your boyfriend.” Of course he did.

“Um...sort of.” I'm really not sure how to go about this topic.

“Sort of?” Wow. I see why these two fuckers are friends.

“We aren't really...together...I mean I guess I'm just convenient for him...or something.” I try to keep it light but the two men exchange an indecipherable look.

“Well in that case…” He reaches into his pocket and pulls out his phone. After a few moments of scrolling and typing, he shows me the screen.

“Levi needs a ‘Plus One’ to this Survey Corps event. Would you mind going as his date?” I want to say no. I probably should say no. The two men are expressionless while awaiting my answer. Before I can answer, Erwin tries to calm whatever worries he thinks I have.

“It _is_  a couple of months away, so you have some time to think about it and get to know each other a little more. No need to answer immediately.” He smiles this smile that I'm sure makes both men and women swoon. Levi is still watching me like a hawk and I can't tell if he's disappointed or not.

“Okay...I'll let you know.” I swear I see him perk up slightly but I immediately feel like I imagined it.

“Do you want a coffee or something, kid?” He leans back and brings the beer can to his lips in the most heavenly way. I almost don't register that he spoke to me.

“Oh, uh, no thank...you.” I feel my heart drop when I see Grisha’s car through the window.

“Fuck…” I accidentally mumbled it aloud.

“Something wrong?” Erwin looks at me with concern but I'm already running to the door. I don't bother saying goodbye. I just sneak into my apartment, hoping he didn't notice I was gone. But alas, my life can't be that simple.

“Where were you and where the hell did you get those clothes?” He's sitting on the couch, surrounded by files.

“These are just some of my old clothes...I went on a run.” He slams the file in his hands down.

“Why are you lying to me, Eren? You know what happens to liars.” He stood up and started slowly making his way to me. Eyeing me like a predator to prey.

“I-I’m not!” It's then that there's a knock on the door. Grisha opens it to reveal Levi, the one who I know is about to seal my fate.

“Can I help you?” I hear the fake kindness in his voice. I call it his “Doctor voice.”

“I was just dropping off Eren’s clothes.” He hands the bag to Grisha and then spots me, probably looking like a deer in headlights.

“I see. Well thank you. Eren?” I slowly walk forward, wondering if he's about to pull some bullshit.

“Thank him for bringing your clothes over.” I peek up at Grisha. He has that sickening smile plastered on his face. And for a second, I think that Levi can see through it too.

“Thank you.” I try to speak normally but my jaw is involuntary clenched down like a vice. Levi just stares at me and I'm mentally on my knees, begging him to leave before he makes it worse. And apparently God was listening for once, because he said his goodbyes and left.

Within one second of the door closing, I hear a crack and I'm on the ground. My cheek is tingling but I don't really feel anything.

“Are you whoring yourself out to random men now? Is that it?” He's screaming and I'm thinking there's no way Levi doesn't hear it.

“I didn't...I’m not!” My voice is near silent compared to his and I get frustrated with myself for crying.

“Don't fucking lie to me, boy! How do you explain the fact that you're wearing his clothes, hm?” His foot is against my chest, holding me down.

“Because—” I don't know why I bother trying to explain or defend myself. He believes what he wants.

“Shut up and get on your knees.” _No! I don't want to! I hate this! I fucking hate you!_

“Eren. Open your mouth. Don't make this harder on yourself.” I'm not just going to roll over and die for him. I fucking refuse.

“ _Eren._ ” His fingers are prying my mouth open and suddenly it's full and I'm gagging.

“Bite and I will pull the offending teeth out.” I'm trying to shove him off. Trying to stop crying. Trying to figure out what I did to deserve getting thrown into my own personal hell.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I feel like...I'm not descriptive enough of what's going on. Idk. Let me know if you have qualms/concerns with how I'm explaining things.
> 
> Eren's coping method (humor and sarcasm, etc.) was actually something I personally experienced with an old friend/ex of mine. So it's kind of weird manifesting it in a character. Idk. Ignore me.
> 
> I enjoyed having Erwin ask Eren out for Levi. Reminded me of those notes people wrote in like middle school.  
> "Do you like me? Check yes or no"  
> LOOOOOL
> 
> Next chapter (if this does well) will probably be Levi’s POV.
> 
> Leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed! (You don't need an account.)


	3. Je Suis Levi

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shorter chapter because Levi is short.
> 
>  
> 
> Just kidding. It's because I can't do much from his POV yet.

Walking back to my apartment, I hear arguing coming from Eren’s. I guess their relationship is more serious than he thinks.

“His boyfriend is home?” Erwin lounges across the couch, sipping at a new can of beer.

“Guess so. That guy looks older than I am. At least I know that age isn't an issue.” I sit down next to him and grab my half-empty beer. Erwin looks at me like he's pondering something.

“But you think something else is an issue.” I nod slowly, thinking back to how Eren behaved around that man.

“You saw those bruises. Part of them, anyway. They were _awful_ , Erwin. I felt like I was looking at my old self.” I lean back and stare at the ceiling, remembering my shit life with Kenny.

“And you think this boyfriend of his did it?” He set his beer down, realizing that this conversation was quickly escalating.

“I don't know. The guy definitely gave me asshole vibes though. If I could hear more than muffled yelling, I could probably figure it out. But from here, it's hard to tell who's screaming in the first place!” I clench my fists thinking about that man hurting Eren.

“I guess that's the blessing and curse of these high-end apartment complexes. You could always just ask him.” I send him the hardest fucking glare possible.

“You can't just ask someone if they're being abused, dumbass.” He pokes me in the center of my forehead, royally pissing me off.

“That's what I did with you.” He smiles that stupid, shitty smile.

“Eren and I are nothing alike. It's not the same.” I sigh and go back to staring at the ceiling.

“I'm not so sure about that.” I wanted to ask him why the hell he's ‘not so sure’ but I honestly wanted the conversation to end more.

“That kid, though. He really hasn't changed much, physically. Apart from being taller.” I remember meeting him for the first time. He really was adorable. And no matter how much I glared at him, he still wanted to talk to me. But when I first called out to him the other day, he looked like I killed his precious fucking parakeet or some shit. And that was before I complained about his late-night romp.

“His personality has definitely taken a 180. He used to be so outgoing. And he was never _not_ smiling.” I almost smile myself, thinking about those glittering green eyes as he talked a mile-a-minute.

“Losing your only family member can do that to you, I suppose.” Erwin messes his hair up, tired of it being slicked back. I imagine that’d get uncomfortable after a while.

“I feel like it's more than that.” He hummed in response and I knew he must've felt the same way.

“You've never been one to doubt your instincts. So what are you going to do about it?” That was a good question. There's not too much I can do.

“Well. I think my only option is to romance the shit out of this kid. And hopefully he'll realize that he has options.” Specifically me. I want to be his favorite option. But as long as he's happy, I'll be happy. Mostly. I still want him to be mine.

“Ah, yes. I have plenty of experience in ‘romancing the shit’ out of someone.” His tone is mocking but I couldn't care less.

“Shove it, Eyebrows.” He chuckles and goes to the kitchen to grab us another round of beers.

“How do you plan on wooing him, exactly?” He sat down next to me and passed me a can before opening his own.

“Hell if I know.” I chug half of the beer before setting on the coffee table.

“You could always...I don't know...take him out.” He speaks like this is common sense but I've no experience in dating. One-night stands are as far as it goes for me, usually. Sometimes it won't even go that far, depending on the cleanliness of their home. I never take them back to my place. The one time I did resulted in me earning a stalker. So no thank you.

“Like to a movie or what?” I know I sound agitated but I'm eager to learn nonetheless.

“Try taking him out for a drink first. Tea or coffee.” A drink, huh? I have no clue what this brat likes but I guess that's what these supposed ‘dates’ are for.

“I'd rather just show his cute ass what I can do in the sack.” I casually sip my beer, imagining myself doing just that.

“Absolutely not! You cannot sleep with him until after the Survey Corps black tie event!” Erwin is red-faced with bulging eyes as he raises his voice.

“Yeah yeah.” I wave him off dismissively and continue enjoying my subpar beverage. He relaxes back into his spot and adjusts his button-up.

The rest of our evening is spent ‘training’ me for these future dates. I don't plan on changing myself but Erwin is childishly excited to bring out his century-old skills and dusty ass pick-up lines, so I indulge the man.

  


* * *

 

 

Erwin left sometime before eight o’clock. Instead of brooding over the possibilities of Eren’s situation, I clean. And I clean _hard._ So much so that by the end of it, my apartment smells like a hospital. All sterilized and impersonal. Just the way I like it. But when there's nothing left to clean, I can't resist the urge to message that green-eyed little shit.

**_To: Brat_ **

**_You okay? Seemed_ **

**_like he was mad._ **

I feel like that's not the best way to put it but what the hell else do I say. I lay there and wait for a response and then get fucking pissed because I'm lying around waiting for him to message me back like I'm a goddamn kid. So, I shower and change into a pair of pants. By the time I'm done, I see that little light blinking on my phone.

**_From: Brat_ **

**_I'm fine._ **

Well shit. How do I continue the conversation.

**_To: Brat_ **

**_Good._ **

After hitting send, I'm not sure why I sent it in the first place. I know he definitely won't reply to it. So I craft up another message.

**_To: Brat_ **

**_When is the next_ **

**_time he's at work?_ **

I know that he's more inclined to go out if he's alone, so I use that to my advantage. It's not a minute later that my phone vibrates with a reply.

**_From: Brat_ **

**_Tomorrow morning._ **

I can work with that. I ignore the curtness of his responses because I usually text that way myself.

**_To: Brat_ **

**_Want to go out for_ **

**_a coffee?_ **

I send the message, not understanding why my palms suddenly feel so sweaty. It's disgusting. So I wash my hands for a good three minutes until I hear that little vibration.

**_From: Brat_ **

**_Sure._ **

I look back in the mirror and my face is covered by my perpetual scowl, but I've never felt this excited...dare I say, giddy. No. Not giddy. I'm Levi Ackerman. I'm never ‘giddy.’

**_From: Brat_ **

**_Um, what time? He_ **

**_leaves at 6am_ **

I'd take him the moment that fucker was gone, but I don't want to seem too eager. That's also kind of early. He says he's an insomniac but I know he's lying because _I_ am an insomniac. He does not look heavily deprived of sleep.

**_To: Brat_ **

**_8?_ **

After confirming the time and that I would pick him up, I start planning out my outfit. Not because I care or anything. Just want to, uh, save time in the morning. But I can't really focus on anything but Eren and I end up playing out different scenarios of the date before I eventually fall asleep.

  


* * *

 

 

I wake up before my alarm goes off, as usual. I wouldn't bother with setting an alarm but I know that the one time I don't, I'll sleep in. That's just how it goes.

I rush to get ready, for whatever reason. It won't make time go by any faster. I spend a little extra time on fixing my hair. Just because. I put on my black cardigan over a black tee, and then I pick out a random pair of jeans. The fact that they just so happened to be the pair that flatter and fit me the best means nothing. Then I top it all off with my short, leather boots. Not because they're my nicest pair. They are. But I just grabbed them at random. Because I don't care.

As soon as eight hits, I'm out my door and knocking on Eren’s. But he doesn't answer. I wait a few minutes, thinking he was running late. But he still doesn't come to the door. After my third attempt at knocking, I get a text.

**_From: Brat_ **

**_Can't go, sorry!_ **

And that's it. No explanation. I stare at my phone for a few moments, dejected and shocked. Why the hell can't this little brat go?

The average man would text back and let him know that it's fine. Possibly reschedule. But I am no average man. I am Levi. Fucking. Ackerman. Humanity's strongest soldier. Critically acclaimed novelist. Cleaning enthusiast.

And I am taking this little shit out on a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Five fucking stars for angsty, nervous Levi. THIS WILL BE HIS FIRST DATE...if it happens.
> 
> I turned 21 today and I'm not really that excited. I just want to take a nap. But Aspen (my baby) is not for it.
> 
> Back to the fiction. So Levi kind of knows...but he doesn't. AND I'M SO EXCITED FOR THE SHIT TO UNFOLD LIKE OMG. But I must be patient. Can't rush it.
> 
> Also, this fic is fairly well-liked so I'll be finishing it!
> 
> Leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed! (You don't need an account.)


	4. Cheveux en Désordre, Vie Désordonnée

I wake up sometime after four in the morning and lay there until I'm fully awake. My face feels swollen and I'm already afraid to see what it looks like. Levi invited me out for coffee and if it's bad enough, I can't go. I don't want him asking questions or suspecting anything. I've got a little under a year until my 18th birthday and I don't need shit to hit the fan before then.

Reluctantly and through sheer willpower, I drag myself out of bed and to the bathroom. I prepare myself to be blinded and then turn on the light. And damn if it doesn't feel like the brightest light in the entire fucking world. But eventually my eyes adjust and sure enough, my cheek is puffed up, red, and bruised. I sigh and go to the kitchen to grab an ice pack. Hopefully I can get the swelling down and possibly use makeup to cover it up. I've had to do that many times before, otherwise people ended up bothering me about it. And it's definitely the  _ last  _ thing I want to talk about.

Holding the ice pack to my face, I look through my conversation with Levi and feel utterly embarrassed. I'm so bad at texting. Possibly because I never do it. I don't really have anyone to talk to. I used to have two really good friends, Mikasa and Armin, but Grisha forced me to cut ties with them. The only contacts on my phone are Grisha, the hospital he works at, and Levi.

He's the only friend I've had in years and I hope that I don't ruin it. Well, if he even considers me a friend. It could be pity; it most likely is. But a friend is a friend. Even if that friend is a weirdly attractive asshole.

  
  


* * *

 

 

I woke up to the sound of rapid, successive knocking. I wasn't really mentally ‘there’ just yet so I stared at my ceiling as seconds passed. It's only when I notice the ice pack in my hand that I remember.  _ Oh yeah, I texted Levi that I couldn't go. _ He clearly wasn't taking no for an answer, judging by the explosion of knocks on my door.

I groaned and flopped around on the bed in frustration before searching for my phone. When I finally found it, there were a plethora of angry, spam messages from Levi. Along with numerous missed calls beginning from twenty minutes before. I type a new message to (hopefully) make him chill out

 

**_To: Levi_ **

**_Sorry, fell asleep. But_ **

**_like I said, can't go._ **

 

It wasn't even five seconds later that my phone started to ring. I sigh before picking up the phone and mumbling a less-than-enthusiastic greeting.

_ [Open the door.] _ He doesn't even manage to say ‘hello,’ just skips straight to the point.

“Yeah, um, not gonna happen.” I decide that being blunt is the best method to dealing with this guy. He never holds back, so why should I?

_ [I wasn't asking, brat. Unlock this door or it comes off the hinges.] _

“...I don't believe you.” The moment those words leave my mouth, I hear a violent rattling sound.

“OKAY, OKAY! CHILL OUT! For fucks sake…” I rush out of my bedroom and hear an accomplished chuckle over the phone. I reach to unlock the door, but think to use the chain. The moment I turn the lock, Levi tries to force his way in.  _ Wise choice using the chain, Eren. _

“Open. This. Door.” He's clearly not pleased with the metal links separating us, but I can't risk him seeing my face.

“It  _ is  _ open.” I bat my eyelashes, though he should only be able to see one eye from where he stands. He raises one eyebrow, seemingly relaxed but I somehow know that this is far from the truth. His hand wraps around the chain, white-knuckling with a silent threat.

“ _ Eren.” _ Okay. Angry Levi is scary. But angry Levi saying my name...is just about the sexiest thing that my cochleae have ever had the pleasure of sending to my brain.

“Look…’M sorry but I really can't go.” I avoid his eyes and step back further into the darkness of my living room.

“Give me a clear and concise explanation as to why, and I'll leave. So long as it's reasonable.” He brings himself closer to the door as if to make up for the distance I'd just added.

“I don't wanna talk about it.” I've fully turned my back on him, wishing I could just hide. I felt embarrassed and ashamed. There's silence for a long moment. Too long. And then my back is pulled flush against the small opening in the doorway.

“H-HEY! LET GO!” I try to pull away but he's got a grip on the waistband of not only my pants, but my underwear as well.

“Just let me take you out.” His voice isn't gentle by any means, but it's softer than his typical ‘I-hate-this-fucking-planet-and-everyone-on-it’ tone that he usually has. I'm almost tempted to say yes. Fuck. I can feel it on the tip of my tongue.

“I...if I do, you can't say anything about my appearance! Nothing!” He loosens his hold on me, letting my body ease up.

“What's wrong, kid? Bedhead worse than usual?” I yank away from his grasp, ready to throw hands.

“Worse than  _ usual _ ?! I do not  _ usually _ have a bedhead!” But when I see that breathtaking smirk on his face, my body is rendered useless. I can't do a goddamned thing except look at him.

“Well I'd hate to see that mess of brown hair when you  _ do  _ have a bedhead.” He steps slightly back and stares at the chain expectantly. I narrow my eyes and cross my arms, standing my ground.

“You're so childish…” He rubs his temples and exhales heavily before continuing.

“Fine. I promise I won't say anything about your appearance.” He holds his hands up in peaceful resignation and actually SMILES. This incorrigible, entitled man smiled. And with teeth! His pearly whites, despite his apparent habit of smoking, were in full view! Slight age lines appeared around his eyes, adding a sultry charm and making me fucking swoon. Well. Until I fully unlocked the door and revealed myself.

The moment he saw what (he surely knew) Grisha had done, his face fell flat and grew into something far more murderous. I held my breath and waited for further reaction but he seemed to be keeping to his promise. Instead of giving in to the outburst I thought inevitable, he turned his back to me.

“Go get dressed. I'll wait out here.” His voice was quiet and I could tell he was holding back, so I obeyed his instructions and threw on the first pair of skinny jeans I saw. A hoodie, no undershirt, because not even Satan himself could handle that kind of layering.

“...Hey.” I awkwardly step out of my apartment, not bothering to lock the door because fuck it. Levi shoots me a side glance and grimaces at my hood.

“Take that off of your head.” He doesn't move at all, just maintains his side-eye.

“Don't wanna.” I secure the hood onto my head tighter, making my decision clear.

“I want to see  _ you _ . Not your hood.” He grabs onto my hoodie, initiating a subtle tug-of-war.

“You sure my unremitting bedhead won't be too much of a distraction…” I mumble it more as a sarcastic remark to myself but the guy hears it anyways.

“So we're feeling self-conscious, are we?” He lets go of my hoodie (finally) and practically  _ sneers _ at me.

“Am not!” I sounded impossibly in denial and juvenile, to my dismay.

“Don't worry about it. I think it's cute.” My breath catches in my throat at the word ‘cute,’ giving him the perfect opportunity to pull my hood off. He then flicks my forehead (not sure how he reached) and starts walking away, clearly all too pleased with himself. And I have to wonder what the hell I've gotten myself into.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wanted to have the date in this chapter but I can't decide if I want Levi’s POV or Eren’s. So I'm fiddling around with that.
> 
> Sorry and thank you to those patiently waiting on my pathetic self to update all the time :( I appreciate you guys.
> 
> And if anyone speaks french, let me know if my chapter titles make sense bc yikes I don't speak it.
> 
> Leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed! (You don't need an account.)


	5. Un Rendez-vous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to use "that that"
> 
> I fucking hate using double that
> 
> Proceed.

As we stroll down the sidewalk, Levi hums the tune of some song that I don't know. And I'm surprised because he doesn't seem like he would ever hum. Or listen to music. Remember when I said he looks like he kills people for a living (or for fun)? Well that _look_ includes despising every other form of entertainment.

“What are you staring at, kid?” He started to pull out a cigarette but then put it away.

“What? How did you—”

“When I was in the Survey Corps, it was my job to see _everything_.” He made a point to look up at me as he said it and the whole thing really enforced the idea that he did, in fact, kill for fun.

“Hm…” I thought about asking what he did in detail but figured that I probably didn't really want to know. And then that was it. We didn't speak the rest of the way to the coffee shop. It should've been awkward, and maybe it was a little, but I was mostly just basking in the fact that I started to relax in his presence. Something I haven't done with anyone in a very long time. He didn't give off friendly or chill vibes. His resting expression was quite sharp. Not exactly ‘Resting Bitch Face’ but more like ‘Resting Death Stare.’ Frankly, the only unintimidating aspect of Levi was his...small stature. And even then, he looked like he could whoop somebody's ass in .02 seconds.

So I found it quite odd that I felt safe with him. This miniature, anger-filled assassin made me, a male much above his height, feel safe. What's the punchline to this joke?

“You coming inside or you just going to keep staring at me?” I snap back to reality and see Levi standing against the open door to the coffee shop. Turns out I was staring. And he caught me. Again. I guess I'm the punchline here.

I mumble a quick sorry and shuffle awkwardly into the shop. The first thing I notice: it smells _good._ Not like instant coffee or crappy coffee from crappy beans. This was high-quality _Java._ I could have been content just bathing in the aroma.

“I take it you've never been here.” His deep voice goes perfectly with the coffee that I am just imagining at this point. I shake my head in confirmation before he rests his hand on my lower back and ushers me over to a table by the window. I didn't miss the fact that he passed by the better positioned table which sat higher off the ground with equally tall chairs.

“What kind of coffee do you like?” He leans forward, hands against the tabletop, and tilts his head in my direction.

“Uh, anything cold and sweet with loads of caffeine.” I hide my smile at the obvious disgust on his face as he walks to the counter without another word.

After minutes pass, he brings our beverages to the table—a piping cup of earl gray with a honey spoon for him and an iced caramel macchiato (extra espresso) for me. We chit chat about minor, everyday subjects for a while. Never going deeper into the topic of our lives. And it's nice. Makes me feel like a normal teenager. Who hangs out with extremely attractive men a decade older.

“This is...fun. I'm usually not allowed to do stuff like this. It's a pleasant change of pace.” I smile down at the drink in my hands, a little embarrassed to be admitting it.

“Not allowed?” His voice doesn't waver; there's no inflection in his tone to indicate that he suspects something is wrong. But his eyes give that away. It's the same look he had when he met _him_ last night.

“Grisha doesn't really like me ‘wasting my time,’ as he calls it…” I laugh it off but Levi continues.

“Well, he can't tell you what to do. He's not your father.” This time, my laugh is anything but forced because the bona fide irony of what he said is just too much. Too bad he doesn't get the joke.

“Our relationship is a little complicated...but uh, anyways. You said before that you write?” I smoothly change the subject, which he doesn't appear to be happy about but goes with the flow anyways.

“Mm. War novels. Based off of my time with the Scout Regiment.” He takes a sip of his tea and lets out a clear sigh of contentment.

“I'd love to read them. Reading is a strong hobby of mine, being stuck inside most of the time.” I rest my cheek against my hand and slowly stir my macchiato.

“They're not that great. You'd probably fall asleep reading them.” I wonder if he's being humble or really doesn't think much of his books.

“Fall asleep? Yeah, right. I've always been interested in the military and anything related. Movies, documentaries, articles, novels, interviews...I’ve studied them all! When I was younger, you wouldn't believe how badly I wanted to be a soldier! It was a little ridiculous. My step-dad even bought me some mock uniforms and introduced me to his friends. They were all in the military, not sure what they did but it was exciting nonetheless and—” I stop speaking when I realize I'm just fucking rambling up a shit-storm in front of Levi who, for whatever reason, won't stop smiling at me. It's not a full smile, more of lazy, dreamy smile.

“S-Sorry...guess I got a little carried away. Just ignore me…” I continue enjoying my drink, hoping that I didn't just humiliate myself.

  


* * *

 

  


He's cute. So fucking cute and he doesn't even know it. He's clearly embarrassed but he doesn't realize that this was the first time I've seen him sincerely happy since he was a child. Of course he also doesn't realize that I was one of the ‘friends’ his step-dad brought over. It irritates me but I can't be bothered to acknowledge it when he looks at me with those big, bright eyes.

“Tell you what. I'll let you pick from the complimentary copies I received as the author and if you like them, they're yours.” I try to appear relaxed. As if it was a casual offer. But I really don't openly discuss my work and I really want him to be happy. I'm buzzing with anticipation to see that smile just one more time today. Instead, I get a blushy, stuttering mess of a 17-year-old who seems to think I'm just trying to be _nice._

“I couldn't do that! They're like first editions, aren't they!? Those are way too valuable for me to have. I'd ruin them, I'm so idiotically clumsy,” He says it into his drink as his voice gets quieter, as if he were speaking to himself.

“Guess I'll just throw them out then. They're beginning to be an eyesore…” I hummed noncommittally and threw a casual but threatening glance in Eren’s direction. The boy audibly exhaled and stood from his chair, frantically throwing his hands in every direction.

“You can't! Those are special!” Inwardly, I'm smirking at how easy he is to play with. But on the outside, I keep my composure.

“It's you or the dumpsters, Eren.” He huffs and drops back into his chair.

“So I'm the equivalent of a dumpster, am I? I'm just full of garbage, huh?”

“One man's trash is another man's treasure.” I make it a point to look directly into his eyes as my voice lowers and his reaction does not disappoint. He clearly understood what I meant by that but plays it off.

“Stupid authors...speaking in riddles…” He's mumbling again, keeping his eyes cast down.

“You want the books or not?” I sigh and lean back so that my head rests against the back of my chair. He makes an attempt at a disgruntled pout and brings his knees to his chest before burying his face into his legs.

“...I want them.” It's muffled but easy enough to hear. I'm so tempted to tease him and make him speak up but the reddened tips of his ears tell me he's already at his limit.

“They're yours.” He peeks up at me and proceeds to hide once again when I notice him. But he didn't hide the edge of his upturned mouth indicating that he was smiling again, as I'd hoped for.

Time flew by as we started talking about other things and eventually I felt we should order more drinks if we stayed any longer. I offered but Eren turned me down, instead deciding that we should get going.

The walk back was filled with more conversation, unlike the walk there, and I found myself wishing that there was a longer way back to the stupidly lavish apartments. I didn't want this to end. Eren wasn't reserved or nervous. I could see him relaxing and enjoying himself. I spotted him eyeing a little food stand serving caramel apples. Not bothering to ask because he's sure to say no, I go over and buy him one. He's flustered at first but accepts it. The little hum of satisfaction as he takes a bite changes the direction of my thoughts.

“So what made you leave the scout regiment?” He asks as he goes in for another bite. The question shocks me a little and he notices my hesitation.

“Sorry, I wasn't trying to pry…” He turns away and his face fills with regret but I ignore the apology and answer anyways.

“I'd been in the Survey Corps for a long time. Made Captain fairly quickly for a new recruit. I'd initially joined with two of my friends. Isabel and Farlan. Those crazy shits.” I laugh as I think back on all of our time together. All the memories.

  


* * *

 

  


As Levi starts talking, I can tell he really loves his friends. But his tone has a hint of melancholy and I don't know if I want to hear how this story ends. It's my fault for asking the question though, so I stay quiet and let him speak. He talks about how they met on the streets and he seems uncomfortable. Well, if I didn't know any better, I'd think he was fine but I've seen enough of him to know what was normal. Levi doesn't dwell on that story too long and moves onto others.

“What I'm getting at is that we were close. We were family.” His expression strains, looking solemn and I know that this is where the story turns.

“There was a mission. I can't go into detail as it was confidential but...we fucked up. The Intel we received wasn't...it was all a set-up. We didn't scout the area beforehand. And those two had to pay the price.” The caramel apple hangs loosely in my hand and I'm almost too nervous to breathe. Why the fuck did I make him remember something like this? Why do I always fuck up? If I wasn't so goddamn useless—

“Oi. Don't give me that face, you brat. It's a little heartbreaking.” His smile puts me at ease, if only slightly. He looks away then, a light blush on his cheeks as I feel something nudge the side of my hand. I look down and see his open palm swinging just clear of my hand and realize that it's an offering. Or a request. Either way, my brain short circuits and I'm not sure if I should accept that hand. Apparently I take too long to answer as he clears his throat and crosses his arms. I lament the opportunity but try to focus as he continues.

“Anyways. It wasn't the same after that. I didn't quit immediately but...the years after that...I was just numb or angry 24/7...at some point I felt that everything was pointless and that I was alone. And why should I even try. The usual sad bullshit.” He chuckles at himself and looks straight ahead. I want to tell him that it's not bullshit. That I understand because I feel that constantly. My life is one big shit-show. But I can't. He doesn't know about Grisha. About how I feel like dying because the man who was supposed to love and care for me hurts me beyond comprehension. So I reach for his hand like he'd tried to reach for mine only moments ago. I see surprise register in his silver eyes for only a moment before he relaxes and gives my hand a squeeze.

“I didn't leave voluntarily. It was Erwin who honorably discharged me. He told me I needed to get help and that if I did, I was welcome back. Shitbrows…” A sigh escaped those pale lips and he squeezed my hand a little tighter, not that I minded.

“But you didn't go back, right?” I had tried to stay quiet but I wanted to be active too. So that he knew I cared about what he was saying. I received a grunt of confirmation and he ran his fingers through his hair, something I found overwhelmingly enjoyable.

“I didn't get help at first. I just got even more angry. Drank a lot. Got into fights. And then Hange intervened…” He trailed off and zeroed in on my mouth. I felt self-conscious and nervous. Was he about to kiss me? Was I okay with that? But no, he just reached over and wiped caramel off of the corner of my mouth.

“Hange?”

“He worked with—not for—the Survey Corps. He's a Doctor, a Psychiatrist, a Scientist...how the hell he managed to get degrees for all of those, I've no clue. But at the time he forced me to sit down and talk. Though he was doing most of the talking. He eventually recommended that I find a coping method,” Levi scoffed as he spoke, but he clearly cared for this Hange person and it made me a little jealous.

“He told me to take up a new hobby. Obviously I gave him shit for it. A hobby? Did he want me to fucking knit?” The way he spoke to me was so _familiar_. In the sense that he trusted me enough but also his tone and voice. I just couldn't place it.

“And eventually I decided to write about what was in my head, since I couldn't verbally convey it to Hange. He read it and insisted that I publish it. So here we are a couple years later.” He pulled his hand away to grab a cigarette, paused, and lit it. After taking a drag, he scooped my hand back up and shot me a wink, causing me to stutter my next words.

“W-Well I'm glad you were able to move past it. I bet it was difficult.” Did I just say that? What kind of crap is that? I just made this awkward. As if it wasn't awkward enough.

“Qui n’avance pas, recule.” Fuck. Again with the stuttering because of Levi’s random french.

“W-What does that mean?”

“Who does not move forward, recedes. Basically if you aren't trying to make progress, then you're losing progress.” I nod and let us fall into silence. He brings the cigarette to his lips repeatedly. And I wonder what his lips would taste like. If I kissed him, could I taste the cigarettes? Would I mind?

“What is it, brat?” He exhales smoke before continuing.

“You want to try?” He waves the cigarette around, smirk plastered on his face.

“No. I don't want one of those cancer sticks.” I turn my nose up, mostly to hide my embarrassment. He lets out the tiniest snort while putting the cigarette out on a nearby trash can.

“Good. Because I wasn't going to let you.” His fingertips idle and tap against my hand and I resist the urge to swing our hands. It goes silent again but we're nearing the apartments and I don't want to waste anytime. I even slow my pace. Hopefully it was subtle enough that he didn't notice me intentionally trying to slow us down.

“So Hange. Is he nice?” Levi stops walking, his face showing nothing but anger. He yanks me down by my collar and speaks in a deep, low voice.

“Eren. _No._ If you cross that Four Eye’s path, run for the fucking hills. He's a deranged lunatic.” I manage some form of agreement and then our walk continues.

“Eh...Eren? Is that you?” A woman's voice feeds out of a car window on the road. I know that voice. I quickly pull my hand from Levi’s, which earns me a sharp look from the shorter man.

“Uh, hi Dina…” Maybe I should have pretended I didn't hear her. Maybe she would've thought I was someone else. But it's too late now. She's parked the car to talk to us.

“What are you up to? I didn't think Grisha let you out during the day.” She's smiling. It's a sickening, venomous smile. Her eyes land on Levi and she analyzes him.

“I had an errand to run. He just came to help me.” I bite my lip as the tension between the two rises. They clearly don't like each other.

“How nice. Well, it was good seeing you!” We wave to each other and then she's pulling back onto the street. Levi doesn't ask about it or say anything at all, really. But for some reason, I feel the need to explain. Maybe it's the fact that it feels like he's shunning me. He didn't resume our hand-holding. He makes sure to stay a few steps ahead.

“She's, uh, one of the owners of that complex. She's also friends with Grisha,” I say looking down at my idling hands. My voice sounds weak. Pathetic. Levi notices and looks at me over his shoulder.

“I know who she is.” So they don't like each other. Is he upset with me? I'm not sure what to think. I don't get much time to think about it since we arrive home just minutes later. We continue up the steps and I try to mumble out a goodbye when we pass my door.

“Hoh? Going home already, are we?” He's leaning against the doorway, arms crossed and head tilted. This ridiculously attractive midget.

“I mean...I don't want to bother you…” I rub at the back of my head and look up at him through my lashes, hoping that they cover up just how badly I want to keep talking to him. It's been so long since I've had a conversation with someone. So long.

He gives me a smoldering look before opening his door and gesturing inside his place.

“It's no bother.” I definitely feel bothersome but I'm more inclined to believe Levi the longer he looks at me like that.

“Okay…” I walk inside and stand nervously in the middle of the room. I hear the door close and Levi walks up behind me, placing a hand on the small of my back.

“Sit wherever, I'll be right back.” He walks down the hallway leading to his bedroom and I briefly miss the warmth from his hand on my back.

I decide to sit on the loveseat as I did during my previous visit. It doesn't take long for him to come back carrying a drawstring bag full of books.

“Here, kid. If you hate them, just throw them out.” He hands the bag to me and I'm really tempted to start sifting through them but I don't want to seem that eager.

“I won't hate them.” I hug the bag to my chest, as if he'll change his mind any second.

“Hm.” He doesn't push it. He just plops down next to me. Well, Levi doesn't _plop._ He's not a ‘ploper.’ He's actually quite gracious in movement. Vulgar in speech but otherwise gracious. Smooth, even.

“Eren.” Did he just...did I just...I think I almost came. The way he said my name makes me think that that was the objective. I'm almost scared to look over at him. He doesn't wait for me to respond and pulls my chin so that our faces are mere centimeters apart. I really want to close the distance. Like _really_ want to. I've never kissed anyone other than Grisha and for the first time, I want to kiss someone.

“Is there anything you want to tell me...about Grisha?” Um...what? WHAT THE FUCK? THIS TINY DEMON SEDUCED MY EARDRUMS, GAVE ME A HALFY, AND THEN ASKS ABOUT THE WORST THING IN MY LIFE. Did I really think that this asshole was smooth?

“Not...really.” Huh? EREN. TELL HIM NO. STOP ACTING UNSURE.

“Really?” He's practically purring at me, leaning closer. I'm just wide-eyed and shallowly breathing.

“Um…” He gets that stupid, sexy fucking smirk on his face and my heart speeds up tenfold.

“Well? Go on and tell me with these pretty lips of yours.” His thumb brushes against my bottom lip and I shudder involuntarily.

“L-Levi…” Should I lean in? He looks like he wants it. Maybe not as much as I do but enough.

“Yes?” He raises an eyebrow as his thumb ventures to my top lip. I feel like I'm nearly panting.

“Kiss me.” He looks taken aback and I'm actually pleased with myself.

“You little shit...you're braver than I thought.” He chuckles and I prepare some witty comeback that ends up useless as his lips smash against mine. I moan shamelessly into the kiss because at this point, I just want to feel him. His hands are in my hair and on my body seemingly all at once. His tongue is exploring everywhere in my mouth and I let it, encouraging it along the way. He grabs ahold of my hips and I let myself be pulled into his lap.

It's hot and heavy in seconds. It's deliciously messy. We're grinding against each other like animals filled with a lustful need. He bites at my lip and growls when I return the favor. I can't even think straight. I don't know which way is up or even what my name is. I dare to suck on his tongue and he groans into my mouth, grabbing ahold of my ass. His lips trail down my neck, biting and sucking and everything you could imagine.

“Ngh...Levi!” He covers my mouth with his again and moves to kiss the corners of my mouth, then my cheeks, nose, and forehead. He takes extra care kissing my bruise, nuzzling it affectionately.

“We should stop before this gets out of control…” He grabs my hand and laces our fingers together, resting his forehead against mine. We sit there trying to catch our breath, staring into the other's eyes and letting them speak for us.

 

**Bzzzzzzzz. Bzzz. Bzz. Bzzzzzzzzz.**

 

Huh? Phone...phone…

“Hello?”

  
[ _Come home. Now.]_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS WAS FUN TO WRITE. AND SOMEONE WHO'S FANFICTION I READ BOOKMARKED THIS SO I'M FANGIRLING.
> 
>  
> 
> Sooooo. What do you guys think of this chapter? I've got so many plans for this fic uggghhhhh
> 
> Leave a comment/kudos if you enjoyed! (You don't need an account.)


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